When your swain asks if he can borrow money, you lot may feel pressured to say aye. You don't recall information technology'southward a good idea to lend your young man money, only you don't know how to say no. These v tips will aid you figure out what to say to a guy who keeps asking for a loan. I likewise included advice on how to protect yourself if you decide to lend your boyfriend money.

These tips are inspired past one of my readers. "My 65 year old boyfriend is preparing to retire," says Barbara on How to Lend Your Fellow Money Without Regretting It. "Part of his preparation will be filing for bankruptcy and walking away from his home/mortgage. He owns a really nice motorcycle that nosotros both relish. He has asked me to buy his cycle in society to protect it from the bankruptcy. This purchase would equate to me paying him $10,000 and him then making payments of $250 a month. We have know each other for about eight months and I like him a lot, simply this request has made me uncomfortable. My beau isn't asking to borrow money, but it feels dishonest. I don't want to purchase his motorcycle. What do I say?"

My vote is that she tells her boyfriend, "No, I can't loan you lot coin." She needs to let her beau purchase his own bike and take intendance of his ain financial situation. She shouldn't requite her fellow coin even if he promises to repay the loan. She should never put her financial security at adventure for a man who is filing for defalcation! Her boyfriend may be a squeamish guy to date, only he's non skillful with money. Barbara needs to trust her instincts and larn how to say no when a human asks for coin.

That said, yet, I know it's easy for me to say "No" because information technology's not my fellow asking to borrow coin. I understand how hard it is to say no when a man you love asks for money and you don't desire to disappoint him. Proverb no to your boyfriend is particularly difficult if he really needs a financial loan for property or fifty-fifty something as serious as bond. You may feel pressured to say aye even though yous know it's not a proficient idea to loan him your money.

five Ways to Respond When Your Boyfriend Wants to Borrow Money

One of the smartest ways to respond when a man asks you for money is to tell someone you lot trust. Talk to your parents, or your smartest friends, or even a advisor or savvy coworker. If yous're embarrassed or ashamed to tell people that your beau or a guy y'all're dating is request to borrow money from you, at that place is something wrong with his request. You know your boyfriend is request to borrow money because he's not skillful with the finances. Y'all know y'all tin can't afford to give or lend him money. You're here because you don't want to lend him coin – and you lot're right to be hesitating.

What Do Yous Say When Your Boyfriend Asks to Borrow Money?

In almost every case, I think girlfriends should say no when their boyfriends ask to borrow coin – and how to end money from causing relationship issues – especially when he is financially bankrupt or has a bad credit rating. He does not know how to manage his finances, you won't get your money dorsum, and the money will always be between you.

Your beau's fiscal mismanagement does non mean he'due south a bad guy or that you lot should stop dating him. It just means that you should keep your finances split from his. Fifty-fifty if you marry this man, you need to make certain you are financially independent and that you retain your own skillful credit rating.

If you decide to say yes when a man asks you for coin or a guy you're dating is begging for a fiscal loan…

1. Never lend a man money if you're already in debt

Here'southward more of Barbara'southward story (my reader whose swain asked to borrow coin): "He is a very generous homo, but he is non good with coin as evidenced by his need to file for bankruptcy at this stage of the game. I'g retired and on a fixed income, this is a lot of coin for me. I currently carry $11,000 in debt that I am trying very hard to pay downward. I too have a savings business relationship with about $1,200 in it. Though I practice have stock I could sell if demand be, I don't feel that is very wise of me to sell it at this time."

You should never loan money to your young man when you're already in debt! Do non put your financial future at risk because your boyfriend tin't manage his money. Y'all can love him with all your heart, but keep your money in your savings account, stocks, and retirement investments.

ii. Larn ways to support your boyfriend without loaning him money

"The idea that simply beingness more supportive is better for your marriage is a myth," says Erika Lawrence, associate professor of psychology in the UI Higher of Liberal Arts and Sciences. "Oft husbands and wives think, 'If my partner really knows me and loves me, he or she will know I'm upset and will know how to assistance me.' All the same, that's not the best way to approach your marriage."

Exist as honest in your response as your boyfriend is in his request. Asking to borrow money from you lot is an honest, real, even a apprehensive request. Meet your boyfriend's honesty with your own. If yous tin can't or don't experience comfortable loaning your beau money, tell him the truth. And, remember that your boyfriend doesn't need your financial back up to survive. Talk to your young man about supporting him in different ways – means that don't involve money exchanging easily.

Hither are four ways to support your boyfriend without loaning him money:

  • Physical comfort and health-related support (getting physical exercise together, hugging your boyfriend, giving him backrubs, etc)
  • Emotional support (listening to your beau'due south fiscal problems and empathizing without judging, expressing confidence in your swain'due south power to survive his fiscal crisis, encouraging him)
  • Advisory support (gathering data about solutions to his financial problem, finding online debt solutions or money direction consultants. Simply don't give too much advice! Unwanted advice can impairment a relationship).
  • Tangible back up (taking on responsibilities so your beau can deal with his financial problems without existence distracted, helping to begin solutions that don't involve borrowing money from you).

Retrieve that your boyfriend isn't a mind reader. You lot and he volition both will exist happier if yous both learn how to say, "This is how I'm feeling, and this is how you can help me." Your beau can ask to borrow money from you, and y'all tin say no to your boyfriend'due south asking.

3. Find when you're acting like a "prissy daughter" to please your fellow

Knowing how men and women approach personal finance can strengthen your relationship – especially if you often fight well-nigh money. Here's what Lois Frankel says in Overnice Girls Don't Get Rich: 75 Avoidable Mistakes Women Make with Coin:

"What gets women in trouble when it comes to getting the job they want or accumulating the portfolio they need to alive financially contained lives is the tendency to act like the 'nice girls' they were taught to exist in childhood, as opposed to acting like intelligent, capable, deserving adult women. "

What Girls Hear Almost Money:

  • "It's better to practice skilful than be rich."
  • "Girls just aren't good at math."
  • "Men know more than virtually coin than yous do."
  • "It's merely as easy to marry rich every bit it is to marry poor."
  • "Money doesn't buy you happiness."

Financial skillful Suze Orman disagrees with that last argument! Orman says money may non buy happiness in the traditional sense, but information technology does give women freedom and security to have better care of ourselves, have risks, and non stress nearly paying the bills. "Women need to develop a healthy, honest relationship with our money," says Orman. "And we take to see this human relationship equally a reflection of our relationship with ourselves."

If you feel pressured to lend your young man money, you may exist putting your need to be a "nice girl" higher up your relationship with yourself. One fashion to avoid this is to learn how men and women see money differently.

11 Ways Men and Women Handle Money Differently

  1. Women are socialized to relieve money "just in case" something happens; men are encouraged to learn how to invest and brand money abound.
  2.  Women employ money to accept care of others; men use money to proceed score.
  3.  Women tend to buy what they want; men buy what they need.
  4.  Women use money to create a lifestyle right now; men employ money to prepare for the hereafter.
  5.  Women are cautious well-nigh investing money; men take investment risks.
  6.  Women spend money on relationships and people they care about; men spend coin on themselves.
  7.  Women enquire for what they think they deserve; husbands ask for what they desire.
  8.  Women view money in terms of relationships; men view money considerately.
  9.  Women expect others to know more they do; men learn how to be savvy investors.
  10.  Women gravitate towards the helping professions (such as education, which doesn't pay very well); men tend to seek loftier-paying jobs.
  11.  Women want to be fair during financial hardship; men advocate for themselves when they have financial problems.

Did you encounter that last tip on how men and women view money differently? Generally speaking, men abet for themselves when they're having issues with their finances. Your boyfriend is asking you to loan him money because that's what guys practise. They advocate for themselves. And every bit a potent, smart, savvy adult female y'all need to do the aforementioned. Abet for yourself past saying no if yous don't want to lend your boyfriend money. Y'all can also advocate for yourself if you say yes to your swain'due south request — just brand sure yous draw upwards a loan agreement.

Don't be afraid to ask your boyfriend need to sit downwardly for a "coin huddle." If yous're tired of fighting almost money and worried about how finances are affecting your human relationship, tell him. You might fifty-fifty consider talking to a couples counselor if you lot and your boyfriend plan to get married.

4. Separate business from your relationship – because a fiscal loan is business

"My problem is that I think the world of him, just his mismanagement of his own money brand me very uncomfortable in trusting his power to repay me. Exercise I get with my gut feeling? How would I explain my reasoning to him without hurting our relationship?"

Yes, you go with your gut feeling. Your instincts are telling you lot non to loan money to this man. Barbara knows it's not smart to requite this man money past buying his motorcycle and hoping he pays information technology back. Dating a guy who wants to borrows money – even for a "guaranteed" render on a "smart" financial investment – complicates the relationship in ways that won't be easily fixed.

5. Tell your boyfriend the truth: you tin can't beget to lend him money

Hither'south what to say when a homo asks if he can infringe money: "I recollect the world of you and I'thousand happy in our relationship, but I simply can't beget to lend you coin. I don't want a loan to come between us, or have a negative outcome on our relationship. I'm sorry you're going through this financial situation but I take my own fiscal responsibilities to deal with."

The less you say to your boyfriend when he asks for coin, the better! Simply you lot could too say, "I'm in debt, I have mortgage payments, I don't earn much coin, and I don't know what my financial future holds. I wish I could assist yous, but I don't accept the coin yous need."

If you say yes when your beau asks to borrow money…

when a man asks for money
What to Do When Your Swain Asks to Borrow Money

If y'all lend money to a guy you're dating, brand a contract. Insist that your boyfriend sign it. The contract has to incorporate the loan terms: how much money your boyfriend borrows, when and how he'll pay it back, the interest rate, and the last date that all the money will exist repaid.

Asking your swain to sign a financial loan contract will experience bad-mannered and strange, like y'all don't trust your young man to repay the money he owes y'all. This is why it's better to only say no when a guy you're dating asks to infringe money! Simply if you actually want to loan him the cash, search the internet for "sample loan contract." You lot don't demand a formal understanding or loan document — merely include the loan terms I listed above. Recall, however, that a loan contract won't guarantee that your boyfriend volition repay the coin he borrowed from you lot.

Don't count on getting your money dorsum from your boyfriend

If anyone asks to borrow money from you – whether he's a guy you're dating or a homo y'all've known your whole life – the smartest thing you tin can practise is say "no." The 2nd smartest thing is to presume that if you lot loan him the coin, you'll never be repaid. Most men who ask women for coin aren't financially responsible, have heaps of debt, or have a bad credit rating. These aren't merely serious problems in his life. They're cerise flags for your human relationship.

When y'all lend money to a guy you're dating, expect you'll never be repaid. This is how your relationship will survive because yous won't resent your fellow if he doesn't pay you back. If he does, you'll exist happily surprised!

Are you worried, anxious or even scared to say no to your beau? And then maybe he isn't the right guy for you to date. A healthy, loving relationship allows y'all to say no when a human asks for something. If your boyfriend gets mad or upset because you decided to say no to his request for coin, there are more serious issues than finances.

If you're worried about how your swain volition respond if you lot say no when he asks to infringe money, read How to Deal With Money Stress After a Breakup.

In peace and passion,

Laurie

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